So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
