if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
