Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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