does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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