jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
