You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
