I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
