I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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