There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
