So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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