STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
