Can i not drive my cunt home
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
