We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
