My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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