Soap is not a condiment
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
