best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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