I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
