i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
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You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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