Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
