Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
