Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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