Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
