she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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