Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
