saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she peed on how many people?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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