Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
