How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
