Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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