Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
