I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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