I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
