hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
