She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
