hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
