I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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