Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
