i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
