I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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