he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
