it was like fucking gandolphs beard
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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