See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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