i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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