so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
