My underwear smells like fireworks.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
