you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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