she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
