I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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