based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize