So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
