Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
this hospital has no fireball
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
