I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
