he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
