What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
