A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you didnt know i had herpes?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
