when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
