I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
