Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
