i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
