My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm both gender and math confused
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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