I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
