I am spending my child support on dildos
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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