# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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