So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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