1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
