yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
