youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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