we have pet lesbian snakes
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
