i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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