We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
