if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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