kristin has been a bad kristin
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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