whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
